To Serve and Protect the parking lot

This fall, during my sister’s visit, we ordered takeout from the Italian place in the nearby strip mall. My sister and I went to pick it up, along with the two oldest kids. We pulled up in front of the restaurant just when the food would be ready. I stayed in the van, idling by the curb while my sister ran in.

It was marked a no parking zone but I knew we would be quick. Besides, the fire lane I was in had been temporarily blocked off for weeks by a construction fence 10 feet in front of me.

Within minutes a police-like vehicle pulled up behind me and a uniformed man approached. I thought “swell, mall security…” It didn’t really sink in yet that he was a police officer. I had just moved here after living for 10 years in Vancouver, and in Vancouver you would have to stab someone to get police to attend at a mall parking lot. ESPECIALLY a strip mall.

I rolled down the window to hear him ask if I was aware that I was in a no parking zone. Then I unintentionally smart-assed him, right to his face. I really just meant to be honest when I said “well, yeah, there’s a No Parking sign right there, but we’re just grabbing takeout”.

He stiffened and stood straight up from his “how are you this evening” slouch to a more official height, and twisted into the power stance police use when they want you to see their hip, where their sidearm is holstered.

Suddenly – at least in my mind -- things were becoming perfectly clear. “Wow!” I thought, “They arm the mall security guards here? What a tough town.”

He then delivered the official chastisational utterance: “Sir, you are PARKed in a NO parking ZO-wun, which, as you can seeee is cuh-LEAR-ly posted there, AND there with the a-PROPE-riate signs designating it as such. I am issuing you… blah blah blah, bubbudy blah foo fah, in the amount of FIFTY dollars which you can reduce to tuh-wenty five by submitting payment early…blah…blah…..any questions?”

I know when I’m beaten. What I did NOT say was: “Sign? Sign… Hmmm… Oh! There it is, just behind that CONSTRUCTION FENCE 10 feet in front of me that completely blocks the fire lane you are protecting! How much are you fining the construction company? And who did you piss off exactly, that you received mall parking lot duty?” I had already heard from friends that the Rothesay Regional Police are not known for their sense of humour. I had just relocated here from Vancouver where the police are definitely not known for their sense of humour. They are known for their sense of accuracy when wielding a baton.

I didn’t know if that ‘no sense of humour’ warning meant the same thing here, but I wasn’t going to test the waters. That question would have to remain unanswered.

No, I know when I’m beaten alright. Other than a polite “Thank you” I kept my mouth closed and paid the fine. Early.