Lawn Care Memos

Spring has sprung, and it’s leaking all over my lawn.

Here in the Maritimes we seem to have 4 distinct seasons. In Vancouver spring simply meant that there was a bit less rain for a few weeks then suddenly summer would explode in a floral bouquet. To hear Vancouverites tell it, this happens sometime during the last 2 weeks of February. The truth is closer to April, but who’s counting.

Now I find myself doing the things a homeowner does in spring. I try to predict the rain so I know when it’s safe to cut the lawn. I debate the morality of dumping weed and feed chemicals on my lawn. I even dug a little ditch to help drain the low soggy spot at the wooded back corner of the lot. Not being a particularly gifted ditch digger, it began to turn itself into a big ditch, but it eventually revealed itself as a medium sized reservoir. I KNOW water flows downhill. But creating just a little, gradual downhill as you go along isn’t as easy as you think. I dare you to try it.

Spring is the time to get back outdoors and talk to my neighbours. I’ve been getting to know them better with my meaningful banter, such as “well, then is this one a weed?”; “why is my grass turning brown?” and “How can I get my reservoir to drain into your ditch?”

Oddly, all of the answers involved me doing more yard work. I have to come up with questions which lead to a better outcome. I can’t decide between “Is that beer?” or “Hey what was that movie you were watching yesterday?”

This is also a time of year when the weather finally allows for a bit more family time outside. Some of that time has led to some Daddy-daughter bonding over a variety of topics. We’ve bug-hunted, twig-gathered, and dug a little more on the reservoir. We refer to these little dirt nibbles as “ditch tweaking”.

Just this morning I got to explain to her what slugs eat, while she demonstrated the Doppler Effect.

“Honey slugs don’t eat little girls”

“It’s chasing me the slug IS chasing me get it away Daddy!!”

The moral debate over lawn fertilizer was settled, incidentally. Twice.

The first time I used the slightly cheaper fertilizer. I didn’t notice that it was cheaper because it was just Feed, not Weed and Feed. I brought it home and read the directions carefully and followed them precisely. I did not fill the spreader anywhere that I could spill some and burn the grass. I set the dial on my spreader to the correct setting for this fertilizer. And I especially followed that part of the directions that told me what pattern to use while spreading the fertilizer.

“Make passes about 5 feet apart to avoid overlapping.”

The fertilizer people were wrong.

Or I can’t judge 5 feet very well. I definitely did not overlap. My sidelawn is about 25 feet wide and 100 feet long. It now has beautiful rich green grassy stripes 5 feet wide all the way down its length. And because I used “Feed”, instead of “Weed and Feed”, the dandelions within the stripes were particularly robust and lush. They were tall, and a brighter yellow than regular, unfertilized dandelions. They were proud, tall and bright. Their yellow seemed all the more yellowy against the lush green of the fertilized swath. And the green swath seemed all the more green and lush compared to the patchy, less green stripes that got no fertilizer.

Tuesday was a beautiful, sunny day. After work I cut the long green grass. And the not so lush patches. Then I applied a new bit of fertilizer. This time I used “Weed and Feed”. And I paid more attention to where the little pellet bits actually landed before I decided where the next “stripe” would go. Then I laughed as I thought about how it would look if I had cut the grass the same way – mowing a new swath every 21 inches – just eyeball it.

I have one more bag of fertilizer left. If I still don’t have it right I will switch to Plan B. The front and back lawn will stay as they are. The 25 x 100 feet of side lawn will become a green and brown want ad for a gardener. Fertilized lush green letters will spell “HELP MY LAWN”.

I’ll either get what I need, or I’ll start a new suburban trend. All down the block we’ll see fertilized messages:

“SITTER NEEDED”;

“HOUSE IS ALARMED”;

“HUBBIE LEFT. MOM WAS RIGHT”;

and of course

“BYOB BBQ SAT.!”